So, it's been a while. A long while.

I'm in the mood for some re-vamping here, going to try a new layout (I don't know when it'll be done yet, but...I want to make a new layout), and try to blog some more.

While I have been not-blogging, I did happen to pick up a side-project and this was the result:

It's been quite a while since then, and graphic sites these days are all shutting down cause their either too busy or too dead...it's a shame, really.

But that allows me to segue into this - I myself have started up a graphic request site of my own called "generationXIA."
After coding the layout and all, I officially started it up a couple of days ago on the 12th of August, and well...I can't say I've been real busy since then. My advertisement-methods are quite 'abnormal' though, so I'm not too surprised.

If you're interested, please come and visit and/or request at the site, http://generationxia.blogspot.com
I've been making and giving out "business cards" to fanfic authors in the name of promoting generationXIA that take on the form of a fanfic poster. It's busy work, but I'm pretty happy with this because it gives me a chance to try out some different things and see where my inspirations take me.
Here's some of the stuff that I've come up with so far, because of it:

The stories are also linked to the thumbnails, so please go read them if you have time! I've read what they've posted so far and liked it. They might not be ready to be published in books or anything, but to be honest, I haven't really read fanfics in a long time and they all reminded me of why I even started reading fanfics in the first place. Of course, through what I read, I was touched in some way and found the inspiration to make them a poster.

So that's all for today - keep an eye out for the re-vamp!

Labels: Fanfics, generationXIA, Graphics, Life

Seconds pass by,
Time tick down,
Music keeps playing,
Life still goes.

Don't want to do anything,
Yet there's so much to do.
I'm just watching,
While listening to Blue.


From: Me
To: Jtoasn
-
So, I don't know where you've gone, where life has taken you, I just hope that wherever you are, you're happy. Maybe you'll come wandering back and read this one day, and then again, maybe you won't. Even so, I'm sure you'll be my blog-layout idol for a very, very long time. I've been busy with school and all, so I haven't been able to keep up with all the people I would've wanted to keep in touch with - I'm not sure why you left, however I'm sure of this:

I'll remember all the good times we had together.

Perhaps one day in the future, there will be more to come.









I know it's been a while since I've updated, but these will be my last words for the day:

I wish there was more time in life to do all the things we wanted to do.

Labels: Big Bang, Blue, Letters, Life, Remember

Since I haven't blogged in a while, I actually feel like I have a lot to say. Since I haven't blogged in a while, I think it would be easier(?) if I put everything under a title heading. Since I haven't blogged in a while, I think that you should go and prepare yourself for a long reading ahead (unless you don't plan on reading it all in one go).
Since I haven't blogged in a while (and have a lot to say), I think that I'll just get started right away....

A memory I plan to bring with me,
Even though things didn't turn out exactly the way I hoped they'd be,
(He didn't tell stories about all of us, you see),
And it makes me sad to see how many people finally feel like they're free.
Yet still I should say things turned out pretty well, maybe,
But then you see,
Then there was she.
Now I'll toss that aside to make myself happy
And keep forever
This last memory.


That was a small poem that I thought up after my last Orchestra concert about a week ago. It kind of says a lot of things, actually. I love when our director tells stories; I still remember some of the stories of my already-graduated seniors, and I think they're moments that would make you think "oh hey, it's that person!" rather than thinking "I think I've seen that person before, but I don't really know" all your life. I guess it might be a little stalker-ish too, but I like hearing about those memorable moments that I wasn't there to hear. I mean, you never know, someone in the audience/an underclassmen/a future music-student might think, "Wow, I would LOVE to experience something like that!" and be inspired to take a different class even if they play a different instrument. It also did sadden me to see how many people had Facebook statuses that were like "FINALLY, the concert is over!" or something along those lines. I think that if they didn't want to play their instrument, if they didn't actually care about music, then they shouldn't have taken the class. But then I guess most of the people wouldn't be in the class, if you crossed them all off. "Then there was she." Clearly, someone (a female) was bothering me there, but that's cause her attitude was just like everyone else's.

That makes me wonder, though, why do people sign up for band/orchestra classes if they don't actually care and don't want to be there? Because it's an easy "A"? Because they don't have anything better to take?

To me, I absolutely LOVE orchestra class; not just because my director always tells funny stories, but I love playing my instrument. I'm not the best at it; in fact, I tend to feel inferior when I play with everyone else, but I love playing my violin. I guess since I like playing, love being there, and love having concerts (I like to listen to the bands play too, even though I play a stringed-instrument), it just spoils my mood when people complain and whine about how long the concert is or having to come back to school for a concert at night, etc.

I think that's also one of the reasons why I love Pit Orchestra too; it's generally filled with people that I like to think of as music-enthusiasts. We're not all the best (like myself), but we like to play, and we're willing to play. (It wouldn't make sense if we weren't, because we have to stay after school for hours. During pre-hell week, we have to stay after school every day to practice with the cast for four hours, and during hell week, we'll stay after school until 9 or 10PM the whole week. I would think that people who don't like/don't care much about playing their instruemnt/music wouldn't bother wasting their time to "suffer" by joining Pit Orchestra.)


I was riding the bus home the other day and looked out the window.
I saw an old couple talking a walk. They were holding hands as they walked, as if they had been happy their entire lives.
Deep down inside, I envied them. I wondered if they had been like that from the start, if they had fallen in love, gotten married, and lived their lives together happily without any worries. Because that's what it seems like. But in reality, they probably did have their ups and downs; don't we all? They weren't a young couple living in innocent naivety, enjoying each other's company while thinking that life will be perfect from now on. They were an old couple living in a relaxing wisdom, enjoying each other's company while knowing that the hard times are over, and it's time to enjoy life now. At least, that's what I felt when I saw them.


Sometimes, I wish I could live a life like those I see in asian dramas. A life with a wonderful love story to pass on to the future generation, a life with heartfelt moments that make me smile whenever I think about them, just like when I think about all the memorable moments that I remember from various drama-series.

But then two quotes/ideas come to mind:

"Loving someone is painful, but being loved is happiness."

Or in more accurate terms if you can read it: 愛人是痛苦, 被愛才是幸福.

As well as this one, which is implied from/inspired by the Taiwanese drama, Silence (深情密碼 Shen Qing Mi Ma):

"Rather than living a quick and exciting life, I would rather live a slow and happy life."

That suggests that maybe, just maybe...

"Simple is better."

How do you all think that you would like to live your life?


From: Silver
To: jtoasn
-
Haha, blab?! Don't you see me ranting in essays here? XD
The way you were saying "if I aim high, and if I aim for something that surely isn't real", you reminded me of the female lead in this Korean drama called "New Tales of Gisaeng." She (and her *cough*mother*cough) always thinks that she's (they're) not worthy and don't deserve even more than what they already have.
As for your "selfish story to" yourself, I think that's great. I've gotten these story ideas that have been purely for my own entertainment/enjoyment as well. And as I mentioned before, no they never got finished but hey, idea spurt moments still feel awesome. XD
On the topic of that guy.... Once upon a time, there was this guy who liked me - at first, it was like this exciting feeling, but then it started to turn into this nervous, uncomfortable feeling. Kind of like a lack of trust cause well, (I asked myself and decided that) I didn't actually 'like' him. Maybe as a friend, but having him spend all his free time with me/my cousin/his-friend-who-liked-my-cousin and having him ask me details about my life was just...creepy, really. So in a way, I felt the way you did (glad) when he finally stopped. That nervous uncomfortable-ness...don't ever want to have to go through it again.
But in conclusion, I would like to say that I am psyched to hear that you are going to create more graphics, because I LOVE your graphics. 8D So, I am in total support of you - go for it!

Sincerely,
Silver



-End Note-
I think I'll probably post again soon [no promises, though, in case I get really lazy...] because there have been some pretty memorable moments worth talking about these days.

Well then, until whenever-"soon"-is!

Labels: Concert, Dramas, Letters, Life, Memories, Pit Orchestra, Reflections, Silence (Shen Qing Mi Ma)

So, today's [first?] topic is "being overdramatic."

I, one week ago, was being quite overdramatic. And here I am now, one week later, apologizing for the inconvenience it may have caused...anyone? [I just had a friend tell me the other day that reading about other people's rants about life was the "fun part," but...who knows.]
So, I sincerely apologize for making it seem like my world was coming to an end [if anyone felt that way at all].
Now in reality, I would've apologized the day I finally managed to get my facts straight, but life had gotten its claws on me again last week, and I haven't had the time to sit down and type away at a blog post until now. [Minus the past few hours that I spent watching dramas....]
But anyways, let's start there.

Get your facts right.

That's probably one of the top reasons (if not the top reason) why rumors start. Someone says something casual, someone else hears it and assumes, and it gets magnified to the next level until everyone knows and it's become this unstoppably mutated disease.

Don't make a big deal out of nothing.

No use freaking out about every little thing you hear. That'll just...start more rumors. First make sure you've got your facts right, then calmly begin to take your next step.


Haha, it's funny how it seems like I'm just ranting about myself now. But that's probably true in a sense. I don't think I used to be this crazy/OMG-you're-kidding-me,-right?...and last week kind of wasn't really a cool feeling. I felt like a drama queen, and well, I don't actually want to be a drama queen.
(Which makes me wonder, is ranting/venting/debating/whatever-you-want-to-call-it on a blog "drama queen"-y?)

So this is what they mean when they say there is no such thing as "perfection."

Maybe there's no balance between "being a drama queen" and "not being a drama queen." If you rant, you're a drama queen. If you don't rant, then you're not. Maybe it's just as simple as that? Like how there's no gray on the Yin Yang. Although it contains both black and white, and both 'halves' have a little bit of the other, but there is no in-between. You either are, or you are not.
As far as perfection goes, you're either a true OCD-like perfectionist, or you're not. No in-between there either, cause well, if you're not always a perfectionist, then that means you're technically not perfectionist-enough to be considered a "true perfectionist," and therefore, you are not.


Interesting, I think.



So at last, I've completed a long-overdue graphic request for Yanni (Sorry about that, but I'm glad that you liked it.)
I'm going to try to make an effort to make this into a graphic-profile of some sort for myself, but I'll start by uploading the one I finished for Yanni's "Complicated Life" and kind of...work my way backwards from there.
Poster for Yanni's "Complicated Life":

Reflection: I definitely need to work on my "cute" skills.



From: Silver
To: jtoasn
-
Yeah, I guess that's the easiest thing to do; I guess I just got tired of ignoring and making it seem like she could make all my decisions for me because I "didn't care." If only I could 'not bother' with her life anymore than I already am...it's starting to seem to be that she likes to stress over other people's lives, seeing as how she is doing that already, and very obviously stressing about it.
Haha that made me laugh, the cupcake thing. Unfortunately, I think the whole world would go into chaos and hatred if I threw a cupcake at my cousin's face. Or even threatened to. Ha. My mom keeps telling me that there are some people in this world that you just kind of have to "let them do as they please." I guess she's just one of them. The good thing is, I'm not the one that's holding on to her [I don't think]. The bad thing is, [I think] she's holding onto me.
Haha, don't worry about spamming my cbox, I can't even begin to count how many times I've spammed yours already!


-End Note-
A completed blog post at last; that feeling's starting to come back again, the feeling that determines when I start ignoring my blog altogether. Usually, I start getting lazy to blog and type, and eventually that turns into blog-reject-mode. But maybe/hopefully it'll go away cause someone's actually reading. XD
It's actually great to have someone reading/commenting/cbox-spamming because that means I have to keep coming back and have this blog layout poking me in the face. Not that it's bad or anything, I think it's awesome. It's just that ever since I started going around blogger & such [what, six years ago?], I'd made it a goal to code/create my own blog layout. Now only if I could get anywhere closer to that goal...

Labels: Apologies, Dramatization, Graphics, Letters, Life

Sometimes, I think that I should just stop caring.

But it's also amazing to note how much more complicated my life has gotten ever since I started to care, and it kind of seems like now, I can't help but care.

Is it bad to do things "out of respect" all the time, 24/7, your entire life? Is it bad to "live up to people's expectations" because that's what they expect you to do? Is it bad to talk about people behind their backs when you feel like you just can't stand it anymore?
Now I realize then that the "treat others the way you would like to be treated" rule applies here as well and that it would be wrong to complain about other people talking about you behind your back, but what if treating them the way you wanted to be treated just didn't work? Or if they just didn't understand you enough to comprehend how you wanted to be treated in the first place. Or if they thought they understood every aspect of you when they really didn't? What would you do then?

I don't know if it's because four years of sticking with a person who wasn't all that much like me to begin with was just too much, or if one of us changed somewhere along the way. Maybe we got so close that it was just too close, and now we dislike each other just as much as the other person dislikes us. I honestly just don't understand, and don't know what went wrong and where.
I do know that I chose to change myself because I was tired of getting pushed around, tired of getting ideas forced on me, and tired of being...stuck to all the time. I'm just sick and tired of it.
[Side note: Maybe this is how my best friend in sixth grade felt when I wanted to do everything with her; but we had only been together for one year, apart for one year, and then back together again for sixth grade until she would have to move again...?]

So the question of the day is...

How do you get someone away from you if they won't go away?

How do you figure out how you are following someone else if all you can think about is:
-how they signed up for four of the same classes as you just because you said you were going to take them, even though she doesn't actually care about the subject and hates the teacher and the class when she finally gets in?
-how they copied your idea to take a screenhot of a car image to use in a Flash project just because neither of you actually felt like making your own car?
-how they decided to join a club because you were in it?
-how you are in all these other clubs that they absolutely detest and thinks are stupid/pointless?
-how they wait for you everyday after class with a glare on their face as you wait for and talk to your friends because they don't have the patience to wait and don't actually want to wait, yet they wait for you anyways?
-and how they joined your Prom group just because you were going with your friends, even though they didn't really like any of the people in your group except for the exception of maybe you and one other person?

Please define "evil," "over the line," and "enough is enough".

I feel like "the old me" [back when I didn't care as much] wouldn't have been so...calculative? Maybe I would've just been like "whatever."
Maybe I'm just thinking too much.
Maybe.
But when you try to see yourself the way that others see you, I find it hard not to think too much.

Which brings me back to square one:

Maybe I should just stop caring.

(Or I guess in this case, go back to not-caring.)

So what if the world shatters?

Is it bad to just be like, "You know what, clearly we're different people, so why don't we each go live our own lives for the rest of the year; you with your friends that you like and me with mine."
Is it bad to leave things in a way where things will never "go back to normal"?
Is it bad if I have to leave things in a most-likely awkward state after being together for four years and then suddenly surprising everyone who's known us forever and going into stalemate where we just go live our own lives?

What happens when the world shatters and things are no longer what they seem? Did my world shatter already? Did her world shatter yet? Or perhaps did both of our worlds already shatter beyond repair without either of us realizing it? Or perhaps they just came more obviously apart, and made us realize that we were different to begin with. Or maybe it's all only just starting....



From: Silver
To: jtoasn-
I'm excited to have you as my first reader/commenter! [Although I'm almost positive that no one else knows about this site yet, it's exciting to know that I won't be spam-commenting your cbox anymore; instead I think I'll post my crazy-long responses on my blog like a letter from a penpal...or in this case, I guess a blog-post from a...blogpal? Or something of the sort.]
Haha, I thank you for your compliments, but my site is nowhere near amazing. And indeed, it is very green [although that was the designer's decision, not mind; sadly, I'm not the designer of this]. However, as my mom has always said, looking at green is supposed to be good for your eyes? Not to mention that yours is actually some sort of shade of...yellow-green itself, I believe. Perhaps everyone's just getting into a green mood these days, with spring coming and all? [Well actually, mine has technically been green since...*checks date*...August 29th when I first made it.]
Well, hope my rant/discussion on life up there kind of kept you entertained...as I'd warned you before, I probably wouldn't have much to say right now except well, complaints about school life and well, that up there. "Life-drama."
It makes me disappointed to find that I still haven't had the time to catch up with all your blogposts and comment/respond to them. I'll try to do it...soon! [I think this post is already long enough for anyone to read, so I'm just going to...stop....]



One last note: I should really just stop thinking so much about stuff and...get working on those long-overdue graphic requests. As a human being, I've been doing a horrible job keeping up with deadlines/not procrastinating this year.

Labels: Letters, Life