Sometimes, I think that I should just stop caring.But it's also amazing to note how much more complicated my life has gotten ever since I started to care, and it kind of seems like now, I can't help but care.
Is it bad to do things "out of respect" all the time, 24/7, your entire life? Is it bad to "live up to people's expectations" because that's what they expect you to do? Is it bad to talk about people behind their backs when you feel like you just can't stand it anymore?
Now I realize then that the "treat others the way you would like to be treated" rule applies here as well and that it would be wrong to complain about other people talking about you behind your back, but what if treating them the way you wanted to be treated just didn't work? Or if they just didn't understand you enough to comprehend how you wanted to be treated in the first place. Or if they thought they understood every aspect of you when they really didn't? What would you do then?
I don't know if it's because four years of sticking with a person who wasn't all that much like me to begin with was just too much, or if one of us changed somewhere along the way. Maybe we got so close that it was just too close, and now we dislike each other just as much as the other person dislikes us. I honestly just don't understand, and don't know what went wrong and where.
I do know that I chose to change myself because I was tired of getting pushed around, tired of getting ideas forced on me, and tired of being...stuck to all the time. I'm just sick and tired of it.
[Side note: Maybe this is how my best friend in sixth grade felt when I wanted to do everything with her; but we had only been together for one year, apart for one year, and then back together again for sixth grade until she would have to move again...?]
So the question of the day is...
How do you get someone away from you if they won't go away?How do you figure out how you are following someone else if all you can think about is:
-how they signed up for four of the same classes as you just because you said you were going to take them, even though she doesn't actually care about the subject and hates the teacher and the class when she finally gets in?
-how they copied your idea to take a screenhot of a car image to use in a Flash project just because neither of you actually felt like making your own car?
-how they decided to join a club because you were in it?
-how you are in all these other clubs that they absolutely detest and thinks are stupid/pointless?
-how they wait for you everyday after class with a glare on their face as you wait for and talk to your friends because they don't have the patience to wait and don't actually want to wait, yet they wait for you anyways?
-and how they joined your Prom group just because you were going with your friends, even though they didn't really like any of the people in your group except for the exception of maybe you and one other person?
Please define "evil," "over the line," and "enough is enough".I feel like "the old me" [back when I didn't care as much] wouldn't have been so...calculative? Maybe I would've just been like "whatever."
Maybe I'm just thinking too much.
Maybe.
But when you try to see yourself the way that others see you, I find it hard not to think too much.
Which brings me back to square one:
Maybe I should just stop caring.(Or I guess in this case, go back to not-caring.)
So what if the world shatters?Is it bad to just be like, "You know what, clearly we're different people, so why don't we each go live our own lives for the rest of the year; you with your friends that you like and me with mine."
Is it bad to leave things in a way where things will never "go back to normal"?
Is it bad if I have to leave things in a most-likely awkward state after being together for four years and then suddenly surprising everyone who's known us forever and going into stalemate where we just go live our own lives?
What happens when the world shatters and things are no longer what they seem? Did my world shatter already? Did her world shatter yet? Or perhaps did both of our worlds already shatter beyond repair without either of us realizing it? Or perhaps they just came more obviously apart, and made us realize that we were different to begin with. Or maybe it's all only just starting....
From: Silver
To: jtoasn-
I'm excited to have you as my first reader/commenter! [Although I'm almost positive that no one else knows about this site yet, it's exciting to know that I won't be spam-commenting your cbox anymore; instead I think I'll post my crazy-long responses on my blog like a letter from a penpal...or in this case, I guess a blog-post from a...blogpal? Or something of the sort.]
Haha, I thank you for your compliments, but my site is nowhere near amazing. And indeed, it is very green [although that was the designer's decision, not mind; sadly, I'm not the designer of this]. However, as my mom has always said, looking at green is supposed to be good for your eyes? Not to mention that yours is actually some sort of shade of...yellow-green itself, I believe. Perhaps everyone's just getting into a green mood these days, with spring coming and all? [Well actually, mine has technically been green since...*checks date*...August 29th when I first made it.]
Well, hope my rant/discussion on life up there kind of kept you entertained...as I'd warned you before, I probably wouldn't have much to say right now except well, complaints about school life and well, that up there. "Life-drama."
It makes me disappointed to find that I still haven't had the time to catch up with all your blogposts and comment/respond to them. I'll try to do it...soon! [I think this post is already long enough for anyone to read, so I'm just going to...stop....]
One last note: I should really just stop thinking so much about stuff and...get working on those long-overdue graphic requests. As a human being, I've been doing a horrible job keeping up with deadlines/not procrastinating this year.
